From Cancer to a Crown



Proverbs 12:4
A virtuous and worthy wife (earnest in strong character) is a crowning joy to her husband; but she who makes him ashamed is rottenness in his bones.
-Proverbs 12:

Regardless of your their occupation, husbands tend to question their abilities in this turbulent economy due to lay-offs, pay-cuts and the like. They ask themselves, "Do I have what it takes? Can I still be a man if the provision for my family is less than what is deemed comfortable?" Our men don't seek affirmation from other men; they look to us. Unfortunately, we often glance away in disappointment, causing the chatter of doubt reigning over their conscience to lower their self-esteem and devalue their sense of "worthiness."

My husband has seen these times in the past. Being the open book that I am, I must say that when my husband has been questioning his abilities as a man, entrepreneur, husband, and father I have undoubtedly conveyed his worst fears through my words and actions.

God has been earnestly filling my heart with his truth, love, compassion, and understanding because I sought it out. However, as soon as I step out prayer I look at the waves just as Peter did and begin to lose faith ( Matthew 14:22-33). Yet, despite the truth of God's word I often revert back to the lies of the enemy.

My husband has recently had more ups and downs physically and emotionally than we have in some of our worst months. I entered into my prayer closet with a lot of rampant thoughts. I prayed, "Lord what do you want me to do with this?" As I awaited a reply, I was drowning in self pity. God said, Love him more. Let him know that your here for him in all things: anger, disappointment, fear and confusion. "I do that!" I retorted. No, Shelly. You were on the sidelines waiting for him to make a move, not as a cheerleader but as a skeptic waiting for him to fail. "Why do you always look at me first?" I asked. Defeated, I put my Bible down and walked out. Later, I felt that I should pour into my bible study on the book Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes. I begrudgingly opened my book, only to see that the chapter was entitled , "Don't Try to Out-Man Your Man." In that brief moment I could hear my husband sarcastically state, "Frank, could you lighten up?" (Frank is Michael's nickname for me because I'm "hard as an iron worker.") .

I allowed such bitterness , anger, disappointment, and fear to rule me that that is what I became. The title of the chapter alone softened my attitude I began reading with a repentant and open
heart. As I began to read the first sentence, the author asked this question: "Do we see our husbands weaknesses as a vulnerabilities to attack, or as areas where we can help make him strong"? It was at that point that I realized my late night prayers were not prayers at all. They were kill, steal and destroy missions coordinated by me and the enemy of God. I entered my marriage with lots of expectations, and originally, I was his cheerleader. Yet, what I failed to see was that I had a multiple personality disorder. I was also the tongue-lashing controlling parent at the sidelines too.

As I reflected on my husband's past trials, I couldn't help but wonder whether he would have made better decisions and possibly not compromised himself had he had the woman God called me to be. As I sat alone in the quiet of the night, I began to ask what exactly God wanted from me. I want you to write down who he is, not what he does. Share with him how I have used him to bless you and Samantha (my daughter from my previous marriage). Tell him that his worth isn't what he makes but merely who he is in me.

Can you believe that even with that instruction I lamented over what was asked of me? "Do you know that he will get all puffed up and he won't focus on what I know he needs to change?" I asked God. Once I again I pleaded for God to show me proof of why I should write all of those things and why it would be of such help.

God is good and he hears our cries. I awoke the next day and started my morning off as usual. My husband came out of his office and asked me to pray about some critical calls he had to make. "Sure!" I said, "would you like some eggs with that prayer?" He agreed to the eggs, and then he stood beside me and we chatted while I began to prepare his food. While we talked, the task of making his eggs transferred to him. I moved over and continued to listen to him. He cracked the egg, the yolk spilling over. Grieved, he looked at me and said that he couldn't do things right when I was watching him. "I feel like you're monitoring and critiquing my every move," he said. I glanced away as he cracked open the other two eggs with the same outcome.

God couldn't make my request any clearer. Obviously, seven years of harsh words, looks of contempt, the rolling of eyes and completely ignoring his presence scarred the heart of the man God gave me to love.

My letter to Michael is in the works. I just hope that this step in obedience allows my husband's heart to stop hurting. Who knows? Maybe the guitar he put in the corner six years ago will call out to him because God has directed me to sing psalms of praise to who he is in Christ so his heart will have music again.

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, "Many of us die with the music still in us." Ladies, may we speak positive words to our husband's hearts, or music boxes, and allow the melody to flow.

Reflection:
Take a look at your marriage or even close relationships and ask yourself do you make your husband or those around you ashamed? Be sure to ask the Lord to search your heart for anything you might be overlooking.

Application:
Ask God to show you how your husband or other significant person could be filled with hope and confidence again.

Power Verses:

If you love learning, you love the discipline that goes with it. How short sighted to refuse correction. A good person basks in the delight pf God, and he wants nothing to do with devious schemers. You can't find firm footing in a swamp, but life rooted in God stands firm. A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones.

Proverbs 12:1-4 The Message

Ignore the word and suffer, honor God's commands and grow rich.

Proverbs 13:13 The Message


There were two short stories that began to soften my heart for this Devotion. I just felt that they were worth typing out for you.

This is a real story about Florence Littauer's father

Florence went home for Christmas vacation to watch her parent's store so her mother and father could take their first vacation in years. The day before her parents were to leave for Boston, her father took her quietly aside to a little den behind the store. The room was so small it only hels a piano and a hide a bed couch. Florence and her father walked into the back of the room and her father reached behind the old upright and pulled out a cigar box. He opened the lid and showed her a pile of newspaper articles. Florence asked, what are these ? Her father replied seriously, "These are articles I have written and some letters to the editor that have been published.
As Florence read them she noted each neatly clipped article had his name on them, Walter Chapman Esq.

She asked, why hadn't you told me you had done this? " Because I didn't want your mother to know. She always told me that because I didn't have much education I shouldn't write. I wanted to run for political office also, but she told me I shouldn't try. I guess she was afraid that she would be embarrassed if I lost. So I wrote because I figured she would never know. When each item was printed I would neatly cut it out and put it in this box. I knew someday I woould show someone the box, and it's you."

Florence's father watched her read the articles and as she looked up, his big blue eyes were moist. " I guess I tried for something to big this time," he added. She stated, did you write something else? "Yes, I sent some suggestions to our denominational magazine on how the national nominating committee could be selected more fairly. It's been three months since I sent it in. I guess I tried for something too big." This was such a new side to her fun loving fatherthat she didn't quite know what to say, so she siad maybe it will still come. "Maybe, but dont hold your breath as he winked at her. He closed the cigar box and slid it behind the piano once again.

Florence's parents left on their trip and at the train station in Boston, her 73 year old father fell dead. Her mother returned home, shared the story, and never shed a tear.

The morning if the funeral Florence sat at the table opening sympathy cards when she noticed the church magazine in the pile. She picked it up and their it was; For More Democracy by Walter Chapman.

The story ends asking the reader what would have Walter accomplished in his 73 years had his wife encouraged him ti fulfill his dreams rather than discouraging him from trying?


On a cuter more humorous tone


The Governor

Once their was a woman riding along in a limousine with her husband the governor
As they passed a group of men doing road construction, they noticed that one of the workers was a man the wife dated in high school. The governor smugly said, " Just think you honey, if you married that man , you'd be married to a ditch digger."

The wife thought a moment and then replied, " I don't think so dear. If I'd married that man, he would be the governor."

The author the states, " As women we have the ability to encourage our men to accopmlish great feats, or discourage them from reaching their dreams.

"I am opting for the encouraging wife role; even when I am riding out the waves of life."

Stolen Moments

The moving truck is gone and the essentials are put away. A feeling of relief settles inside me as the rest of the house sleeps. In the late hours of setting up my office I forge through my last box. Wearily, I begin to pull out a myriad of office essentials; then I see a mouse pad with a photo of my then 8 month old daughter Alexis. Wow! As I reflect on how sweet and tiny she was, I wanted to go back to that moment and pick her up and just snuggle and smell that sweet baby smell.

In that moment, I began to weep as I recalled a long string of tribulation in those subsequent years. My husband was nearly bedridden with numerous ailments.

I, the strong immature Christian woman, was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders along with an unjoyful and angry attitude with it. With that in mind, seeking God wasn’t in the forefront of things that had to be done. In my moment of regret God asked me” why are you weeping”? He told me that I should be rejoicing in the refinement and growth my family has accomplished through him during that time. I stopped crying, wiped my face, and realized he was right. I wasn’t weeping over the pain of those few seasons; it was merely the fact that I didn’t relish her or any of my kids during that time.

I don’t recall holding her with gratitude and joy at Gods awesome design and miracle. I remember rushing through every task, emotionless and worrying about our future. instead of living in the moment with Alexis and each of my children’s lives. I can barely remember her milestones; first giggle ect.. I cannot take back the time or moments of tenderness that could have been. So again I wiped my eyes and I looked up to my Father and said “Abba, even with my new season of trials I will spend more time in the moment loving each of my children more and being present and available to the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me. I will work to improve my marriage relationship and not my self preservation.”

Reflection: What moments of your life have been lost in worry?

Application: Make it a point to live in the moment and feel whatever is present. Take in both the good and the bad; and don’t dismiss it. Put all the worry and anxiety at the foot of His cross and ask him what to do. The good stuff well girls get up and dance your buns off and praise him. That’s the kind of worship that blesses both you and him and you reinforces to your heart that He is good!

Prayer: Dear Lord Father, Teach each of your girls to number our days and to live in the moment. Teach us to cherish all the sweetest of moments even in the midst of our trials. Remind us to cast our fears and worries to you and hold onto your truths.

Power Verses:

Therefore, I tell you do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it’s own things. Each day has enough of it’s own trouble.

Matthew 6:34 NKJV

The thief’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

John 10:10 NLT

Summing it all up, friends, I ‘d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things that are true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious, the best not the worst, the beautiful not the ugly, things of praise not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me. What you heard saw and realized. Do that, and God who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Philippians 4:8 The Message

Learning how to Trust & Rest

in a Real and Personal God

“Jesus answered them “Do you finally believe?” In fact you are about to make a run for it saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I am not abandoned. The father is with me. I have told you all of this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties but take heart. “I have conquered the world.””

-John 16:31

As I read the above passage, I was reminded of a life experience in which I didn’t trust God, and my husband. My husband and I were recently at an impasse. I approached him meekly, stated my disagreement, and like a woman of the world I told him that he would be on his own with this. I was anxious about his decision, as well as the decision I made not to endorse it. After consulting two Godly women in my life as well as completing my bible study and many hours of prayer, I found myself in tears. I went to my husband and apologized. I realized that God is directing my husband and that as a man of prayer, God will lead my husband in the right direction.

My four-year old has been taking swim classes recently, and she has grown quite confident and assured in her swimming capabilities. However, she became anxious the other day when her instructor asked her to float on her back in the water. She glanced at me in fear, and when I didn’t ‘help’ her, she began to scream and cry. Despite the hurt it caused me to see her so upset, I tried to look preoccupied so that I wouldn’t feed her fear. After several minutes of crying, I was forced to pull out my spoon and threaten to discipline her if she didn’t do what was being asked of her. My daughter laid back into her instructor’s arms, and tears streaming down her face, did what was asked of her. At that moment, God revealed to me that I am exactly like my daughter in the water when it comes to submitting to my husband. Like her, I often flounder when I have to step out of my comfort zone and do something that I’m not in agreement with. However, my spoon is like God’s word. My daughter obeyed me out of fear of discipline, and I should obey the bible out of the fear of God.

As I sat in the damp, humid swim school, reflecting over what God had just revealed, God encouraged me to look to him whenever in doubt. Like my daughter, God will always have my back. And not through us, but through God, will we make it victoriously across the pool of life.

Reflection:

What do you hold onto so tightly that even God’s word only lessens the grip to a firm hold?

Application:

Lay down something you’re worried or troubled by and put God to the test.

Power Verses:

““Going a little ahead, he fell on his face, praying, “My father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what you want.””

-Matthew 26:34

“Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ so let wives be to their husbands in everything.”

-Ephesians 5:22-23