From Cancer to a Crown



Proverbs 12:4
A virtuous and worthy wife (earnest in strong character) is a crowning joy to her husband; but she who makes him ashamed is rottenness in his bones.
-Proverbs 12:

Regardless of your their occupation, husbands tend to question their abilities in this turbulent economy due to lay-offs, pay-cuts and the like. They ask themselves, "Do I have what it takes? Can I still be a man if the provision for my family is less than what is deemed comfortable?" Our men don't seek affirmation from other men; they look to us. Unfortunately, we often glance away in disappointment, causing the chatter of doubt reigning over their conscience to lower their self-esteem and devalue their sense of "worthiness."

My husband has seen these times in the past. Being the open book that I am, I must say that when my husband has been questioning his abilities as a man, entrepreneur, husband, and father I have undoubtedly conveyed his worst fears through my words and actions.

God has been earnestly filling my heart with his truth, love, compassion, and understanding because I sought it out. However, as soon as I step out prayer I look at the waves just as Peter did and begin to lose faith ( Matthew 14:22-33). Yet, despite the truth of God's word I often revert back to the lies of the enemy.

My husband has recently had more ups and downs physically and emotionally than we have in some of our worst months. I entered into my prayer closet with a lot of rampant thoughts. I prayed, "Lord what do you want me to do with this?" As I awaited a reply, I was drowning in self pity. God said, Love him more. Let him know that your here for him in all things: anger, disappointment, fear and confusion. "I do that!" I retorted. No, Shelly. You were on the sidelines waiting for him to make a move, not as a cheerleader but as a skeptic waiting for him to fail. "Why do you always look at me first?" I asked. Defeated, I put my Bible down and walked out. Later, I felt that I should pour into my bible study on the book Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes. I begrudgingly opened my book, only to see that the chapter was entitled , "Don't Try to Out-Man Your Man." In that brief moment I could hear my husband sarcastically state, "Frank, could you lighten up?" (Frank is Michael's nickname for me because I'm "hard as an iron worker.") .

I allowed such bitterness , anger, disappointment, and fear to rule me that that is what I became. The title of the chapter alone softened my attitude I began reading with a repentant and open
heart. As I began to read the first sentence, the author asked this question: "Do we see our husbands weaknesses as a vulnerabilities to attack, or as areas where we can help make him strong"? It was at that point that I realized my late night prayers were not prayers at all. They were kill, steal and destroy missions coordinated by me and the enemy of God. I entered my marriage with lots of expectations, and originally, I was his cheerleader. Yet, what I failed to see was that I had a multiple personality disorder. I was also the tongue-lashing controlling parent at the sidelines too.

As I reflected on my husband's past trials, I couldn't help but wonder whether he would have made better decisions and possibly not compromised himself had he had the woman God called me to be. As I sat alone in the quiet of the night, I began to ask what exactly God wanted from me. I want you to write down who he is, not what he does. Share with him how I have used him to bless you and Samantha (my daughter from my previous marriage). Tell him that his worth isn't what he makes but merely who he is in me.

Can you believe that even with that instruction I lamented over what was asked of me? "Do you know that he will get all puffed up and he won't focus on what I know he needs to change?" I asked God. Once I again I pleaded for God to show me proof of why I should write all of those things and why it would be of such help.

God is good and he hears our cries. I awoke the next day and started my morning off as usual. My husband came out of his office and asked me to pray about some critical calls he had to make. "Sure!" I said, "would you like some eggs with that prayer?" He agreed to the eggs, and then he stood beside me and we chatted while I began to prepare his food. While we talked, the task of making his eggs transferred to him. I moved over and continued to listen to him. He cracked the egg, the yolk spilling over. Grieved, he looked at me and said that he couldn't do things right when I was watching him. "I feel like you're monitoring and critiquing my every move," he said. I glanced away as he cracked open the other two eggs with the same outcome.

God couldn't make my request any clearer. Obviously, seven years of harsh words, looks of contempt, the rolling of eyes and completely ignoring his presence scarred the heart of the man God gave me to love.

My letter to Michael is in the works. I just hope that this step in obedience allows my husband's heart to stop hurting. Who knows? Maybe the guitar he put in the corner six years ago will call out to him because God has directed me to sing psalms of praise to who he is in Christ so his heart will have music again.

Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, "Many of us die with the music still in us." Ladies, may we speak positive words to our husband's hearts, or music boxes, and allow the melody to flow.

Reflection:
Take a look at your marriage or even close relationships and ask yourself do you make your husband or those around you ashamed? Be sure to ask the Lord to search your heart for anything you might be overlooking.

Application:
Ask God to show you how your husband or other significant person could be filled with hope and confidence again.

Power Verses:

If you love learning, you love the discipline that goes with it. How short sighted to refuse correction. A good person basks in the delight pf God, and he wants nothing to do with devious schemers. You can't find firm footing in a swamp, but life rooted in God stands firm. A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones.

Proverbs 12:1-4 The Message

Ignore the word and suffer, honor God's commands and grow rich.

Proverbs 13:13 The Message


There were two short stories that began to soften my heart for this Devotion. I just felt that they were worth typing out for you.

This is a real story about Florence Littauer's father

Florence went home for Christmas vacation to watch her parent's store so her mother and father could take their first vacation in years. The day before her parents were to leave for Boston, her father took her quietly aside to a little den behind the store. The room was so small it only hels a piano and a hide a bed couch. Florence and her father walked into the back of the room and her father reached behind the old upright and pulled out a cigar box. He opened the lid and showed her a pile of newspaper articles. Florence asked, what are these ? Her father replied seriously, "These are articles I have written and some letters to the editor that have been published.
As Florence read them she noted each neatly clipped article had his name on them, Walter Chapman Esq.

She asked, why hadn't you told me you had done this? " Because I didn't want your mother to know. She always told me that because I didn't have much education I shouldn't write. I wanted to run for political office also, but she told me I shouldn't try. I guess she was afraid that she would be embarrassed if I lost. So I wrote because I figured she would never know. When each item was printed I would neatly cut it out and put it in this box. I knew someday I woould show someone the box, and it's you."

Florence's father watched her read the articles and as she looked up, his big blue eyes were moist. " I guess I tried for something to big this time," he added. She stated, did you write something else? "Yes, I sent some suggestions to our denominational magazine on how the national nominating committee could be selected more fairly. It's been three months since I sent it in. I guess I tried for something too big." This was such a new side to her fun loving fatherthat she didn't quite know what to say, so she siad maybe it will still come. "Maybe, but dont hold your breath as he winked at her. He closed the cigar box and slid it behind the piano once again.

Florence's parents left on their trip and at the train station in Boston, her 73 year old father fell dead. Her mother returned home, shared the story, and never shed a tear.

The morning if the funeral Florence sat at the table opening sympathy cards when she noticed the church magazine in the pile. She picked it up and their it was; For More Democracy by Walter Chapman.

The story ends asking the reader what would have Walter accomplished in his 73 years had his wife encouraged him ti fulfill his dreams rather than discouraging him from trying?


On a cuter more humorous tone


The Governor

Once their was a woman riding along in a limousine with her husband the governor
As they passed a group of men doing road construction, they noticed that one of the workers was a man the wife dated in high school. The governor smugly said, " Just think you honey, if you married that man , you'd be married to a ditch digger."

The wife thought a moment and then replied, " I don't think so dear. If I'd married that man, he would be the governor."

The author the states, " As women we have the ability to encourage our men to accopmlish great feats, or discourage them from reaching their dreams.

"I am opting for the encouraging wife role; even when I am riding out the waves of life."